Baby Boy~

It has almost been seventeen years ago that this sweet sweet boy took his first breaths of life and fully helped me realize the greatest reason I was put on this planet. Which just happened to be substantiated once again when his sister was born several years later. You know I always wanted babies. It was in my makeup...and while I just thought that was what all girls thought about...that and meeting their Prince Charming (who is also pictured below...how lucky can one girl get?) ...I know now that it was more than just what was suppose to come next in life.

I was born to be a mom! Don't get me wrong, I have not always appreciated that fact 100% of the time...and I have been distracted by things such as work and school and just stuff along the way but I just have to tell you...there is so much joy that comes from being a mom!

Caleb is my firstborn and to listen to his sister, has a definite advantage when it comes to discipline....he sees it the other way around. I seem to think that it is more because he fits the first born mold in every way. He is my worrier and follows the rules to the letter. There is little gray in Caleb's world. In elementary, if his teacher told him to read with his mother...on the couch...with the tv off...for 20 minutes a night... well, let me just tell you there was no getting by with reading for 19 and a half minutes...and we would be seated on the couch with the tv off! Sometimes I seriously considered calling or emailing his teachers and begging them to help me by keeping in mind how literal he would always take their instructions. "Mom...she said it had to be the 8 oz bottle!"..."Okay Caleb, but this one has 8.8 oz...so that is better because it has more." ...little brown eyes blinking...then as he walks away muttering..."Okay...but she said the 8 oz one...she specifically said 8oz and that we had better get the right one...I'll probably get in trouble because she said it like three times." ... I can not tell you how many of these conversations I have had over the years!

Caleb is super-smart and it is funny because I don't...nor have I ever had to ride him about his homework...he is harder on himself than his dad, teachers, coaches or myself could ever be. He is a perfectionist and while you would think as a parent that would be the best thing to have in a child, I will tell you that at times my heart aches deeply for him. Sometimes I just wish I could better impart my wisdom of my past "many" years on this earth so that he would be able to understand that you don't have to please every person and do everything 150% to be considered a success. It is a hard struggle with him because on one hand, he makes me the most proud a mom could be but on the other hand, I simply worry that he misses out on too much joy because it is being overshadowed by the stress he has surrounding him while trying to always be the best...

He is and will always be my little man, even though he looks down at me now which just isn't right! He has the biggest heart imaginable...and the compassion he has for others, especially children is just a blessing to be able to watch. Kids are always drawn to him mainly because he doesn't just blow them off as many teenagers would but has no problem getting down on the ground and wrestling with them until giggles are abundant! What a wonderful father and husband he will make someday!!

And coupled with the fact that I have now an almost 17 year old child, I also am having to face the dark reality that he will in just the span of a quick spring and summer be a Senior in high school and let me tell you...I...am...not...ready!! I am not ready for the year that will most assuredly fly by in no time and I can't even fathom him beginning college...it just isn't right...he should be climbing up on my lap and putting his arms around my neck...or pulling at my legs saying "up momma, up!"

His dad and I have always said we just want to order them to stop growing and even though it is exciting to see where the road will take them and what an awesome man he is and will continue to become...I know my days are numbered as far as having him come home to me every night and just knowing he is still tucked beneath my wing and in my nest. I really didn't want this to be a sad happy birthday wish but I am just not ready to let my baby grow up and yet that is just what he is doing :o)

I love you baby boy more than you can ever know and I am so proud of the man you are becoming!!! Happy birthday Leb!!!

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."

Don’t be a pic hater!!

Okay…so I receive a lot of grief…okay maybe not a lot, but a few grumblings nonetheless, about the fact that my son Caleb doesn’t get a lot of blog time…be patient…gesh! One real big reason is simply that Caleb, like his father, does not like to have his picture taken. And I am one of those people who don’t like to make people take pictures when they really don’t want to. Especially in today’s world where every bad picture ever taken is plastered up on facebook, myspace, or in blog world. Even when I may think a picture is great, the subject may not and it is really a choice that should be theirs and not mine. And not to mention that when someone is uncomfortable in front of the camera…it is going to show in the pics and that is just not fun~

Now, with that being said, by no means assume that I don’t do my darndest to get my son to “cooperate and just let me, for the love of Pete, get a good picture!” “People think I don’t love you!!!” …small grin…”whatever mom…”…sigh…

So I do the only thing a desperate mom can do…I wait for his friends to come over and let them help me guilt him into it…

So when Kayla comes to do Chemisty homework…out with the camera I come…of course not before Caleb can get his shirt up to cover his face.

“Please…just one???” …”Mom, we are trying to do homework!!”… “I know, but this will be a memory…think about all the times you and Kayla have worked on homework together….we need to memorialize it!”

And sweet, sweet Kayla…”Come on Caleb…just one…” Mom’s are smart when it comes to knowing how to manipulate our children. It’s actually a gift God has given us!

Okay…so it’s just a little smile…but hey…that is like a major accomplishment in my book! Awww…see it’s not so bad :O)

Stress

You know...stress is a real joy stealer! I was thinking about stress yesterday as we changed our mind about going out for our anniversary. Ashtyn was staying at home and Caleb was going out with Lindsey and we just didn't think it was right for her to be alone on Valentine's Day. Much to her dismay, as she felt like it just highlighted "alone awareness" in her life, we had decided to stay in. But then we realized that Caleb didn't have reservations until 8 and if we hurried we could go out and hopefully not only beat the rush but also be back before Caleb left. So we decided this at 4pm and also just as I happened to have just stepped out of the shower (..so sometimes I do take showers in the middle of the day when I am freezing cold and its the only way I can warm up!!! ...have you been to my house?? Don't judge until you have lived with the Eskimos that I have for family members!) ...so really the plan being...if I could get ready and us be in Norman before 5pm, then we could make this happen. And it was now 4:03 and counting~

So of course I rush to my closet and start the race against the clock. For some reason, it reminded me of Sunday mornings when the kids were little and I was a stressed out wreck by the time we got to church. Mad at my husband because he had dared to sit, earlier in the morning, and stare at ESPN (which was replaying the same story they had already talked about 12 times over the last hour) while two children had pop tarts stuck in their hair and were still wearing their pajamas...mad because there was guilt over the fact that pop tarts were my kid's breakfast...mad because not one thing seemed to fit or look right together...or because I knew that I had to sing in the praise band that morning and therefore was stressed by default of having to get up in front of a crowd...you name it, I stressed over it! And I know...I hear all you organized souls saying...why didn't you lay out clothes the night before or get out of bed a little earlier or have premade breakfast casseroles ready to pop in the oven...well that would have just been a little too organized for me at that time in my life...why would I make life easier on myself? I know...the questions one can ponder...

And while I was rushing around yesterday, I was wondering...why am I not stressed? Why am I not having a melt down because I know that I don't have enough time to get ready... To be honest, I obviously do not have small children anymore and let me tell you, that makes a HUGE difference in the amount of things you can do, but it's more than that. I have learned that you don't have to be perfect!! Hear that super-moms??? You don't have to have spotless tile, or a clean refrigerator and if the guest bathroom tends to have toothpaste in the sink because your son refuses to use the bathroom his room shares with his sister's...it is going to be okay!!! No one is going to see the toothpaste in your sink and think you get the worst mom of the year award!! We waste too much energy on things that while important overall (you can't just not ever clean your house or else your gonna end up on Hoarders!) are not important enough to steal your joy!!! There will be time in which to get to those things...and it doesn't always have to be perfect right now... Just ask my son...I ask him for a couple of weeks, at least, before he gets to the cleaning of the toothpaste out of the sink...(okay so there are times I get a little stressed about the toothpaste, but 3 weeks is, I think, a very generous waiting period before gaskets are blown)

I have realized over the years that I wasted too much time and hurt too many people in my quest for perfection and you know what...it just isn't worth it!!

So we actually made it to the restaurant before 5 and I was not the least bit stressed from trying to make the deadline and the result is that I had a fantastic anniversary dinner with my husband and Ashtyn was surprised with her own take-home steak dinner so that her "alone awareness" didn't have to be so painful! (you of course know that Ashtyn has never truly fit into any "aloneness" category..."picky" maybe...which is just fine-de-dine with her momma!...so don't feel too sad for her!! ...after all, she did get steak!!)

Enjoy life and don't sweat the small stuff!!

Valentine's Day

Valentine's day is almost here...and along with it, my 18th wedding anniversary!!! How fast time flies. So I wanted to blog about the man that God specifically put on this earth to be "my" man. I still become overwhelmed sometimes when I think how much we were created to be a couple...you know...when you think...we really are perfect for each other. Not that we don't have our moments when we are not each other's favorite person but really as a whole....how evident it is that God planned this long before I played all the games to find the initials of my future husband...if we would live in a house...how many kids we would have...you remember Jr high, right?

The bottom line is I don't thank him enough for being the perfect mate and father. Not that he doesn't make mistakes but because he still loves me even though I make mistakes all the time and only sometimes points out if I spell something wrong...okay, he points that out all the time but I just sock him in the arm and life is good again.

I love the fact that while not perfect, our kids have a great role model and example in their father. Something I haven't shared with many people is that Dave lost his job in July of last year. That is a really hard thing for a man because a lot of his self esteem and pride comes from the work he is able to do. It has been a hard 7 months but through it all, he has never doubted God's plan for us. It is so much easier to go through the hard times when you have a partner that can clearly see God as being in control and believes it to the bottom of his soul.

The funny thing about these past 7 months is that for whatever reason God has provided peace and for a controller such as myself that is saying a lot. But Dave has reinforced from the beginning of this journey, through his faith, that God had a plan. Even when our teenage son struggled with the anger...when he didn't understand why "bad things happen to good people who try to follow and love God and yet those who could care less about God, seem to continually be blessed!!" I praise God for our struggles if for no other reason than that my son can come closer to understanding nothing is guaranteed in this world and if we don't hold on to Jesus, comfort and security does not exist...or at most will be fleeting. And that perceived blessings sometimes become easily defined by our human wants and desires. When true blessings surround us all the time if we only stop and acknowledge them.

I am grateful for the blessing that my dear husband is to me and I don't come close to doing enough by way of showing that appreciation! He still makes me laugh and really just knowing that he still makes the effort to try to make me laugh is something I try to not take for granted but often do. That he allows me to be my head-strong self but loves me even when I speak before I really think is a testament to his patience :o) I couldn't love him more or be more happy that he chose me to spend his life with.

On Monday, God revealed His plan and Dave was offered a job that he really wanted, with a company that seems to be really stable and I am so glad. Not just for our family but also for him as I want only for his happiness. God is so good! And though there have been ups and downs over the last 18 years...I would not have missed the chance to be part of this family and married to this wonderful man. Thank you for being my babe-uh-love :o)

Bye for Now...

So Ashtyn's last school basketball game was tonight and I am a little sad and a little glad all rolled together. I am sad because it is the end of her jr high basketball days and even though she is already signed up in a spring/summer league not to mention all the basketball camps and second summer league team that's coming...I know I can't really be all that sad about not getting to watch her play. I truly think it is more about the fact that the day both of my babies are going to be in high school is inching closer and closer...not to mention that Caleb will be a senior next year. ok...stopping...I flat out refuse to think about it! Anywho...I am also glad because I am ready to watch her track season begin and also for Caleb's baseball season to begin as well. It's like that...by the time you really have had enough of one sport, it's on to another. So I am going to add a few more pics to close out Ashtyn's junior high basketball career...sniff...

faces... :o)

last minute reminders before the game begins.

These are all a little out of order...sorry, too lazy to fix them...

Breather...

This is their pregame chant...

Posing...

This was the beginning of their tourn game prayer...I used different lighting this night on my camera so the rest have a kinda blue/green thing going on...you live and learn...

Ashtyn as she was waiting to sub in...I love watching how my kids interact with others...and I love it even more when they really do care about the way they come across to people. How do they act when I am not with them or they don't know someone is microscoping them with a zoom lens? I want my kids to treat others kindly not because it's what I tell them to do but because Jesus is active and alive in them and is made apparent through their actions...and even in those times when no one is "looking"!

Audio Book Snob

Well I just have to confess something...running snobs really annoy me...you know the ones who always preach about how people who listen to music while running are not really serious runners... I say...if you are off your couch and in a upright position and burning some calories...music or not...you are running or jogging at the very least. So with that being said, I now have to confess that I have been a running snob too...yep, I am and I feel really small about the fact that I too have turned up my noise at those who have talked about listening to audio books while running.

So my scrunched up nose wasn't due to the fact that I thought by listening to audio books they were non-runners...just that I couldn't fathom not having the bump bump beep beep music blaring in my ears in order for me to move one foot in front of the other. I mean unless I have music so loud that my mind can't hear itself screaming "Stop right now or else I am killing over"...well it just doesn't happen for me. At a time when I am regularly running 4 to 5 miles multiple times a week (which is still not quite back in my grasp at the moment...but April marathon is coming...not that I'm running a marathon but I promised to run a leg so my excuses time is over...) you take away my music and I may get a block...it is a major crutch for me...probably why I am so sensitive to those "running purists"..."listen to the sound of your feet striking the pavement"...for real??? gack!

Well tonight I listened to my first audio book while on the treadmill because the weather is really not fun right now...and guess what...okay, I will tell you ...I could have ran for hours! I didn't even think about my wheezing/heart attack-waiting-to-happen-self because I was so into the book. Awesome huh? Okay so I will give it a week and see if I am still in love with audio book running but I am excited as of right now. And what's even better...you can download them from your local library for...FREE...not even kidding! So I do apologize to all those who I previously thought were lacking...you so had the right idea!!!