Friday, February 19, 2010

Baby Boy~

It has almost been seventeen years ago that this sweet sweet boy took his first breaths of life and fully helped me realize the greatest reason I was put on this planet. Which just happened to be substantiated once again when his sister was born several years later. You know I always wanted babies. It was in my makeup...and while I just thought that was what all girls thought about...that and meeting their Prince Charming (who is also pictured lucky can one girl get?) ...I know now that it was more than just what was suppose to come next in life.

I was born to be a mom! Don't get me wrong, I have not always appreciated that fact 100% of the time...and I have been distracted by things such as work and school and just stuff along the way but I just have to tell you...there is so much joy that comes from being a mom!

Caleb is my firstborn and to listen to his sister, has a definite advantage when it comes to discipline....he sees it the other way around. I seem to think that it is more because he fits the first born mold in every way. He is my worrier and follows the rules to the letter. There is little gray in Caleb's world. In elementary, if his teacher told him to read with his mother...on the couch...with the tv off...for 20 minutes a night... well, let me just tell you there was no getting by with reading for 19 and a half minutes...and we would be seated on the couch with the tv off! Sometimes I seriously considered calling or emailing his teachers and begging them to help me by keeping in mind how literal he would always take their instructions. "Mom...she said it had to be the 8 oz bottle!"..."Okay Caleb, but this one has 8.8 that is better because it has more." ...little brown eyes blinking...then as he walks away muttering..."Okay...but she said the 8 oz one...she specifically said 8oz and that we had better get the right one...I'll probably get in trouble because she said it like three times." ... I can not tell you how many of these conversations I have had over the years!

Caleb is super-smart and it is funny because I don't...nor have I ever had to ride him about his homework...he is harder on himself than his dad, teachers, coaches or myself could ever be. He is a perfectionist and while you would think as a parent that would be the best thing to have in a child, I will tell you that at times my heart aches deeply for him. Sometimes I just wish I could better impart my wisdom of my past "many" years on this earth so that he would be able to understand that you don't have to please every person and do everything 150% to be considered a success. It is a hard struggle with him because on one hand, he makes me the most proud a mom could be but on the other hand, I simply worry that he misses out on too much joy because it is being overshadowed by the stress he has surrounding him while trying to always be the best...

He is and will always be my little man, even though he looks down at me now which just isn't right! He has the biggest heart imaginable...and the compassion he has for others, especially children is just a blessing to be able to watch. Kids are always drawn to him mainly because he doesn't just blow them off as many teenagers would but has no problem getting down on the ground and wrestling with them until giggles are abundant! What a wonderful father and husband he will make someday!!

And coupled with the fact that I have now an almost 17 year old child, I also am having to face the dark reality that he will in just the span of a quick spring and summer be a Senior in high school and let me tell!! I am not ready for the year that will most assuredly fly by in no time and I can't even fathom him beginning just isn't right...he should be climbing up on my lap and putting his arms around my neck...or pulling at my legs saying "up momma, up!"

His dad and I have always said we just want to order them to stop growing and even though it is exciting to see where the road will take them and what an awesome man he is and will continue to become...I know my days are numbered as far as having him come home to me every night and just knowing he is still tucked beneath my wing and in my nest. I really didn't want this to be a sad happy birthday wish but I am just not ready to let my baby grow up and yet that is just what he is doing :o)
I love you baby boy more than you can ever know and I am so proud of the man you are becoming!!! Happy birthday Leb!!!

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."

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